Middle-aged white blokes are disproportionately represented in politics. They should be limited to about 30% of the seats in parliament with the rest open to younger people, women, people of non-European backgrounds and aliens. That would not only improve representative diversity, but would also mean that competition between the white blokes would be harder and we might get better ones that we’ve got.

I call on all members of the Australian Parliament to remove their facial hair, especially when it is used to disguise the lack of chin.  This goatee or merkin-style beard is un-Australian and may be used to cover up or disguise one’s identity as some type of religious or cult ritual.

We should ban the burka so we can get a better look at the chicks underneath ay. See if they are hot or not. Ugly ones can put them back on so we know.

For the greater benefit of the Australian community at large, it is proposed that the following considerations be made a mandatory part of any pre-selection contest for candidacy in any local, state or federal election process:

1. I.Q. testing carried out by impartial monitors to exceed 115;
2. Functional MRI scans no older than 30 days of candidates higher brain functions, in relation to ethical reactions to be mandatory;
3. Vocabulary testing to be undertaken to ensure a minimum spread of 3,000 words is present;
4. Candidates gait to be assessed, ensuring that when approaching a media representative, neither foot makes any deviation towards the candidates mouth; and
5. DILLIGAF Declarations to be mandated in regard to all candidates religiosity

It is sincerely to be hoped that these somewhat draconian measures will result in a better class of democratic representative arises from these basic, but sadly necessary filtering mechanisms.

No one does anything productive on a Friday anyway.

Rather than have a bunch of idiots yelling at each other for an hour every day, question time should be reformed so that both questions and answers must be delivered in the context of a rap battle, with at least a remedial level of rhyme and rhythm required to be able to participate. Bonus points for MPs who wear parachute pants and/or grillz.

I want immigrants to have to pass tests to come here.  All must have IQ’s over 130, be at least 6 foot tall and pass athleticism tests. I have given up hope for myself and my fellow Australians, but if we have these criteria for new people coming to Australia hopefully we can breed the weak and stupid out.

No more white people should be allowed to come here. White people gave Australia poverty, corruption and racism. White people are responsible for 90% of all crime. White people destroy the fabric of our society. 

Keep out whitey. Ban all whites from entering.

I call for a 10 year moratorium on the immigration of AGHARIANS, ALPHA-DRACONIANS, ALTAIRIANS, ANAKIM, ANDROMEDANS, ANUNNAKI, ARCTURIANS, ATLANS, BIAVILANS, BERNARIANS, BOOTEANS, BUTTAHS, CETIANS, DRACOS, DROPAS, ELS, EVA-BORGS, GIZANS, GRAILS, HAV-MUSUVS, HYADEANS, IGUANOIDS, IKELS, JANOSIANS, JAWAS, KORENDIANS, LEVIATHANS, LYRANS, MARTIANS, MOTHMEN, NAGAS, ORIONS, REPTILIANS, SATYRS, SAURIANS and ZETA RETICULANS.

After seeing Craig Emerson and Helen Coonan (and no mention of her golden retrievers), we need more interesting and/or controversial panelists on Aunty’s premium forum.  I mean, come on!  The Senate may not be able to introduce appropriation bills, but it can represent the interests of #qanda viewers world wide, even hateful and spiteful viewers!